Hi Friends-
This missive is coming to you a little late because I’ve been away on retreat for the past few weeks, reflecting and preparing for my next big project — KILN, a community & creative incubator for conscious creators.
As the Spring Equinox comes upon us in just a few weeks & it’s time to begin cultivating our new shoots of green, I’ll be sharing more details about the program and how you can participate. For now, feel free to check out a teaser page I created for KILN.
I also just dropped a new episode of Hurry Slowly, where I’m in conversation with my dear friend and perennial podcast guest — the wonderful writer and teacher Sebene Selassie.
In a wide-ranging chat, we talk about exploring self-reliance and sovereignty through solo travel, the power of acknowledging what one has accomplished in a culture that tries to make us feel like we’re always behind, and how to lean into one’s natural voice.
Listen to “Creative Rhythms, Traveling Alone, and Going Towards the Love with Sebene Selassie” →
Scroll on for a new essay on “Fear vs Love” and links featuring Nick Cave, Rebecca Solnit, Maggie Smith, Mira Jacob, and more...
Sending warmth,
Jocelyn
Choose Your Own Adventure: Fear vs Love
On getting acquainted with Pluto, generative discomfort, and operating from love rather than fear
Recently, a friend and I were talking about how much perspective and solace our connection to astrology provides us. If you’re a recovering overachiever like me, understanding the planetary transits that are happening in your life can give you the soothing sense that whatever trials, tribulations, or suffering you are experiencing is “right on time.” That if the stars say that you are “supposed” to be having a hard time right now — good news! — you’ve nailed it, and you don’t have to wonder what you’re doing wrong.
I’ve been in the midst of just such a deep, dark transit since January of 2023. For those of you who are astro-attuned, Pluto — the planet of transformation, personal power, and subterranean exploration — is nesting on top of my natal Moon, which signifies the body, the Mother, the emotions, and early conditioning. Pluto is a pokey little planet that likes to excavate your deepest insecurities — and thus help you examine your personal relationship to power — by pushing your buttons.
I talk a lot about the idea of “generative discomfort” and this is the energy that Pluto, generously interpreted, embodies. (Less generously, one astrologist I know calls it the “spiritual jackhammer” 👀, another compares Pluto transits to being tossed into a cauldron, where you get cooked down to your essential nature.)
So I’ve been roaming this land of generative discomfort for the past year, and one great big wide question has emerged that seems to encompass all of the shifts that are unfolding and all of the insecurities that want to be released, which is: How can I operate from love rather than fear?
As I write this, I want you to know I fully understand both how basic and how corny this might sound. As I’ve discussed elsewhere, the deepest wisdom is often big and simple. So simple it seems obvious, and yet there are endless depths to plumb within that simplicity. Like if you take something as basic as a mothball and put it under a microscope, whole new worlds are revealed.
So I’ve been asking the question at every level I can, from macro to micro: How and where am I operating from fear?
For instance…
In my business, I’ve noticed how many of my efforts proceed from a focus on scarcity — the idea that I “need” to generate more money to support myself (or else), that I “need” to get this new program launched sooner rather than later (or else), that I need to be increasing my newsletter subscribers (or else). And so on.
But what if I were to operate from love instead? What if I cared for my business not because I was scared that I wouldn’t have enough, but because it can be a beautiful vehicle for sharing my gifts with the world, and a beautiful container for value exchange between me and the folks who want to participate in my work? What if I grew it and cared for it out of a mindset rooted in love rather than scarcity?
What if I operated from a similar mindset in my relationships? What if I shifted my focus from remaining vigilant for the smallest of warning signs (of disapproval, of conflict, of judgement) to attuning to all of the glimmers of welcome and invitation? And what if I could more thoroughly open to receiving those energetic invitations? Not deflecting compliments with self-deprecation, not overlooking all of the warm camaraderie to focus on the one moment of dissonance, not feeling that I have to over-give in order to allow myself to receive.
What if I could stop chasing, and open to being cherished?
As my friend Sebene says in a new interview on Hurry Slowly: How can I go towards the love?
Why do we focus so much energy on people who are not resonating with us? Who are not interested in what we have to offer?
Why don’t we go towards the laughter? Go towards the invitations? Go towards the love?
Part of the reason, of course, is that the dominant culture conditions us to focus elsewhere. To go towards the lack. To find our own smallest point of weakness, inadequacy, not-enough-ness, and to focus on that.
And as I attune more keenly to it, I see this “fear or love” choose-your-own-adventure coming up in an endless myriad of ways. Big ones, like my attitude toward running my business; and small ones, like a flickering thought as I decided how and when to write this essay.
For a moment, I thought: Hmm, this fear vs love topic is quite broad, maybe I should “save” it for a longer podcast episode. What if I write about this now and then the next time I go to record a new solo podcast episode, I don’t have a new idea? This impulse to “save” the idea comes out of a mindset that’s oriented toward scarcity, that’s operating from fear.
To operate from love would be to take a more abundant attitude, trusting that another idea will arise as its needed. Also remembering that I am a Gemini, and there is literally never a time when another idea doesn’t arise.
If you’re curious, join me for a simple exercise to tune into the visceral feeling of operating from fear vs operating from love.
Simply take a moment to imagine all of the things that you want to get done, all of the things on your mental to-do list for the coming week.
And then tune into the ambient fear/anxiety/worry that you won’t get all of those things done. It’s a small fear, but it’s also one of the most pervasive and pernicious in our culture.
Now turn your attention to how that worry that you won’t get everything done feels in the body. How does that feeling of “behind-ness” manifest on a physical level? For most of us, it shows up as a kind of constriction — a shallowness to your breathing, a tightness in the chest, a heaviness in the body, a sluggishness in the brain.
The fear — and that sense of behind-ness — crops up in such subtle ways. Even as I’m writing this essay, part of me is already racing ahead, upset that I haven’t already accomplished more today, pulling me away from being present with this task of writing, even as I am enjoying it!
Now, let’s explore a different perspective…
Turn your attention to last week. I want you to call to mind as many things as you can think of, big and small, to give yourself credit for. It could be tasks accomplished, positive habits enacted, creative sparks noted, children tended to, chores taken care of, mental patterns rewired in the tiniest of ways.
Imagine sending love to yourself for every single one of these things that you tended to. Acknowledge all that you accomplished, overcame, and let go of in the past week — even if they weren’t the things you had planned on getting done. Take a moment to honor how well you rolled with all of the surprises, and to be tender with yourself for the moments where you felt resistance.
Take a deep breath in, and then sigh out any remaining feelings of behind-ness. Let them go.
Perhaps now you have a tiny window into the contrast between the felt state in the body of fear versus love.
Fear incites constriction, blocking your energy from flowing freely.
Love invites relaxation and expansion, opening up the free flow energy.
It isn’t possible to flow creatively when you are operating from fear.
Fear turns off the faucet, shuts down the flow. You cannot be truly generative when you are operating from a mindset that’s oriented towards scarcity.
Which brings me back to the conviction, which I’ve written about before, that “true power is the free flow of love.”
By poking at my tenderest insecurities, Pluto is teaching me that there is no power in fear — in acting from the small, desperate, grasping space of scarcity.
True power (and flow!) comes out of operating from love.
As you move through the next few weeks, I invite you to tune into the energy you are operating from… Is it fear? Is it love? And how does that relate to your ability to access flow?
How might you begin to shift your mindset from one state to another?
One simple trick is to pause and place both hands over the heart, then take a few deep breaths, consciously bringing your attention from the headspace down into the heartspace.
Then ask: What would help me feel more expansive in this moment?
I just did the exercise and got: Let yourself enjoy writing this. 😌
LINK ABOUT IT
The power of communal genius.
Why "exponential growth" as a value is so problematic.
How to comment on social media, a satire by Rebecca Solnit. 😂
Pre-game the Oscars in conversation with cultural critic Wesley Morris.
How Eminem writes lyrics, which made me think of this wonderful video.
The most interesting review I've read of the Apple Vision Pro.
Nothing makes sense anymore, a graphic essay by Mira Jacob.
(My interview with Mira Jacob on Hurry Slowly in 2019.)
Maggie Smith on how our inner critics get started early.
Nick Cave on loss, yearning, and trascendence.
A one-sheet, printable calendar for the whole year.
Show me your favorite dance move is a total joy.
Offerings: How you can work with me
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From a recent client: "I loved the work I did with Jocelyn in so many ways. I was navigating a tremendous amount of change and the work we did together allowed me to feel grounded, centered, and empowered. I felt like I was able to return to a wisdom and intuition that I knew was lying under the surface and was able to unlock a part of me that I did not have access to."
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SHOUT-OUTS:
The haunting illustrations are from: Masha Foya, who is based in Kyiv, Ukraine.
Link ideas from: Ancestors to Elements, The Sunday Soother, Recomendo, Sunday Reads, and The Audacity.
You can support me & my work by: Participating in one of the offerings listed above, or one of my courses below! : )
Website: jkg.co
Twitter/X: @jkglei
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